sometimes, when shit hits the fan, it makes you realize how strongly you really feel about things. unfortunately there may be a mess to clean up, but how much is that mess worth cleaning up versus letting shit continue to hit the fan?

mistakes are made, but they can be learned from.

It Starts From Within

almonds

banana

coffee w/creamer

6" turkey sandwich on wheat (with walk to and from subway)

green tea

coffee w/creamer

ondemand pilates & bollywood burn

salmon w/brocoli & brown rice

i don't feel single, i don't feel attached... i just feel like ME! AMANDA LEE. my own woman.

& as a side note, I did have 2 cups of coffee today. I hope this elevated mood is not dependent on coffee. I sure did gulp that shit down today. Yeah, I drink like a fish (anything liquid, not just alcohol).

My new drive right now is.. falling in love! with LA! we can't choose who we'll be in love with, and we can't rush into it.. but just the motive of wanting to fall in love gives you some positive energy within. Keeps you looking for that (one thing or more) that makes you weak in the knees, makes you wanna sink your teeth in, makes you warm & fuzzy inside. The thing is, to get the most out of life & love... it shouldn't just be one single person or object in focus. It's a feeling you're chasing.. the bigger picture is life. Learn to love it for every moment, word, face, sound, smell.... The right attitude in general will take you a long ways.

Perspective

On the way to my temp job in Beverly Hills, I pass through Century City. And at this particular intersection of Century Park East & Olympic Blvd, at this particular position in the traffic waiting at the light, this is what these two buildings look like. What threw me off this morning, was the perspective at which I was seeing them; I almost didn't recognize them as the Century Plaza Towers! The structure in the foreground appears to be taller than that of the background. Duh, basic Gestalt principles of depth perception would support the common knowledge of Los Angelinos that these two edifices are in fact the same height -- twins!

How a simple perceptual observation can inspire such a profound thought early in the morning, is just how my mind tends to wander. When something doesn't seem right to you, perhaps you're just looking at it the wrong way. You must turn corners, change positions, take a step back, or climb new heights until it makes sense. But one of the first steps is acceptance of the fact of the matter. Unfortunately, not everything in life will be this objective. There are many many more variables in the subjectivity of relationships, personalities, and social interactions, for which the same process may apply: acceptance and adjustment.

Now whether or not symmetry is your ultimate preference, don't be afraid to appreciate the beauty of the three-dimensional world and the ability to see things from different viewpoints.

Haven't written in here in about a year, but it's time I start putting my thoughts into words and making something of them.

There are positive times and negative times we go through, but all the while they are experiences and lessons we must actively take forward into the future, taken for their face value.

This past month I've been going through a big transition in life. I finally moved back home from 4 years in Irvine/Orange County. To leave the comfort of my college friends and the life I had down there & try to reestablish my social and home life back here was a big chance I had to take. And I hadn't foreseen or planned it to be as soon as it was.. but I'm glad it happened when it did. I am definitely learning something each step of the way. I am pleased to see that my home-homies are still down for me and that some connections have not changed.. only we as individuals have grown during this time apart. It's been fun catching up with everyone again and I do feel at home now. Going to Irvine as a visitor is definitely more rewarding and I appreciate the time I spend down there more. I am starting to see how some of the friends we made in college are life-long friends because WE learned about life together.

In retrospect, college was a life-changing experience that will always hold a special place in my heart. It was more than just the breadth requirements, major classes, finals, essays, and the ultimate bachelor's degree... It was learning to live on my own away from my parents, establishing genuine friendships that became a family away from home, interacting & living with different personalities, trusting others and working cohesively to experiment with new things, time management, money management, and self-discipline...

Ahh I will touch upon this again later, but life after college is a confusing and bittersweet time. The possibilities are endless, and there is always something to learn upon reminiscence and reflection.

There is always something to celebrate, there is always something to toast to; and as long as you think so, life will be a lot more rewarding.

Just be true to yourself and everything will fall into place. .... As long as you know you were the better person,...